HOW TO CHOOSE AN ENGAGEMENT RING: A DESIGNER'S HONEST GUIDE

When people ask me how to choose an engagement ring, they're usually expecting me to start talking about diamonds, budgets or ring styles. I don't. Instead, I ask a different question.

What story do you want this ring to tell fifty years from now?

One of the biggest misconceptions about engagement rings is that they have to be a complete surprise. I don't believe that's true. Every couple approaches this milestone differently. Some design the ring together, others trust their partner completely, while many do something in between. Others choose to create bespoke engagement rings together, making the design process part of the story itself.

The proposal can still be a beautiful surprise even if the ring isn't.

And since we're talking about a forever piece that will be on your wife's finger every single day, of course you want her to be involved in its design so that every morning she wakes up and smiles looking at her hand. It's been many years for me and my husband, and I still do. And yes, of course, I designed it myself.

Lab-grown or natural diamonds? I love both.

This is probably the question I'm asked more than any other. My answer often surprises people. I genuinely love both lab-grown and natural diamonds.

What I don't agree with is when people say they're exactly the same.

How can they be?

One is an extraordinary gift from the Earth, formed over billions of years and impossible for nature to replace. The other is an incredible achievement of science and human craftsmanship. To me, they represent completely different stories.

Neither story is better. They're simply different.

Your decision may come down to budget. It may come down to ethics. It may simply be what feels right to you. Whatever your reason, make sure your choice is an honest one.

I've met people who secretly wished they'd bought a larger lab-grown diamond but felt pressured into purchasing a small natural stone. I've also met people who chose a lab-grown diamond but almost felt embarrassed to tell others. Neither situation should happen.

Choose the diamond that reflects your values, not someone else's expectations.

My advice is always the same: understand the advantages and limitations of both options, ask plenty of questions, and speak to someone you genuinely trust. Ideally, that person should be the jeweller creating your ring.

One more thought I'd like to leave you with. Personally, I don't believe an engagement ring should ever be viewed as an investment. You aren't buying a diamond because you plan to sell it one day. You're buying a symbol of your future together.

Perhaps that's a controversial opinion. But if you're already thinking about resale before you've proposed, maybe you're asking the wrong question.

Don't chase trends. Create an heirloom.

One of the reasons I founded BÓHDAN Diamonds was because I wanted to create jewellery that would outlive trends. I'm incredibly happy to see vintage-inspired engagement ring styles making a comeback. They were designed to last. They have beautiful proportions, substantial gold and thoughtful craftsmanship. A ring made with a 1.5 mm band in 10K gold simply wasn't designed to become a family heirloom.

My heart genuinely breaks when antique jewellery is dismantled simply because a new trend has appeared. Imagine your great-grandfather choosing that ring for the woman he loved. Or perhaps they designed it together. Every scratch, every detail and every diamond became part of their family's history. That's incredibly special.

To me, an engagement ring represents people. It represents commitment. It represents love, care and a lifetime shared together.

One day, my daughters will inherit my jewellery. Then perhaps my grandchildren will wear those same pieces. They'll know exactly why I chose a particular diamond cut, why I preferred that metal, and why the design mattered to me.

That's what jewellery should become. Not a trend. A family story.

Don't choose a ring simply because it's fashionable today. Don't feel pressured to place a three-carat diamond on an impossibly thin band because social media says that's beautiful.

Create something your future family will treasure. Create history.

Bespoke or ready-made? You can probably guess my answer.

Of course I'm subjective. But I'd choose bespoke every single time. Not because it's my profession, but because I believe every engagement ring deserves its own story.

Years from now, someone will ask who designed your ring. Isn't it wonderful to have an answer? To know exactly where your diamond came from, to understand why that particular cut was chosen, and to remember being involved in every decision. That's something no ready-made ring can truly replicate.

At BÓHDAN, we never run sales. It's because I don't believe family heirlooms belong in a clearance event. Your relationship doesn't go on sale. The ring that represents it shouldn't either.

A bespoke engagement ring isn't simply jewellery. It's proof of your intentions.

Diamond certificates are non-negotiable

This part is wonderfully simple. Every diamond should come with an independent grading certificate. For me, that means GIA or IGI. No compromises.

These certificates verify important characteristics such as diamond cut, carat weight, clarity and diamond colour, giving you confidence in exactly what you're buying.

I also recommend insuring your engagement ring from the day you receive it. Jewellery insurance protects something that's often impossible to replace emotionally, even if it can be replaced financially.

Choosing the details that matter

People often ask me whether they should choose yellow gold, white gold, rose gold or platinum. There isn't a right answer. Your metal should reflect your personality and the jewellery you already wear. The same goes for your diamond shape. Whether you love an oval cut, princess cut or another shape entirely, choosing the right ring is about creating something that feels like you rather than following what everyone else is wearing.

When designing custom engagement rings, I also encourage my clients to think about practical details. Ring size can always be adjusted if needed, but band width, ring settings and overall proportions are much harder to change later. A beautiful ring isn't only about diamond quality or carat weight. It's about balance, comfort and creating a timeless design you'll still love decades from now.

Work with someone you trust

Whether you choose lab-grown diamonds, natural diamonds or even gemstone engagement rings, my advice is always the same: work with a trusted jeweller who takes the time to educate you rather than simply sell to you. Ask where the diamond comes from, whether it's accompanied by GIA or IGI certification, and whether it has been ethically sourced. If ethical diamonds, conflict-free diamonds or sustainable jewellery are important to you, have those conversations openly. There should never be pressure - only honest guidance.

At BÓHDAN, every bespoke engagement ring begins with a conversation. Together we explore engagement ring styles, your partner's style, your engagement ring budget and the story you want your proposal ring to tell. That's why I'll always believe bespoke engagement rings create the most meaningful family heirlooms.

My final advice

If you've read this far, you'll probably realise I don't think choosing an engagement ring begins with the diamond. It begins with the person. Forget what social media says you should buy. Forget what's trending this year.

Think about who you love. Think about your future family. Think about the story you'd like someone to tell about your ring in fifty years' time. If you do that, I truly believe you'll never regret your decision.

Whether you choose a lab-grown or natural diamond, a solitaire or one of many beautiful types of engagement rings, ready-made or bespoke, make sure the ring reflects your relationship rather than someone else's expectations.

Because that's what an engagement ring has always meant to me. Not a purchase. A promise.

By Alla Bóhdan

 

About the author

Alla Bóhdan is the founder and designer behind Bóhdan Diamonds, an Auckland-based fine jewellery studio specialising in thoughtfully designed diamond pieces and bespoke engagement rings.